Loved Ones
Loving a police officer can be hard. No one prepares you for what it feels like to love someone who needs to put on a bulletproof vest to show up to their job every day. These feelings, alongside long hours, shift work, emotional distance, and the looming presence of harm coming to them whenever they go to work, can be difficult to process. These occupational hazards, coupled with increased rates of PTSD, depression, and anxiety that their officers may face compared to those who aren't police, can add to strain within these relationships.
Here is a personal experience from the wife of a law enforcement officer, and how they deal with the stress from working in policing.
Impacts of Policing on Loved Ones
The impacts of a career in law enforcement aren't felt only by the officer. Here are some effects and how they may affect their support system.
Increased Prevalence of Divorce
Approximately 50-70% of marriages where one or both spouses are police officers end in divorce.
Stress Transfer
The stress of policing can often be brought home and transferred to those closest to the officer if the officer doesn't have a strong support system or healthy coping skills.
Though loved ones are a huge part of an officer's support system, some challenges go beyond their capabilities. If your officer is in a crisis or you have concerns about your/their safety, call 911, text/call/chat 988, or go to your nearest emergency room.
Ways to Support Yourself
You cannot support your loved one if you need support yourself. Here are some ways you can focus on improving your own mental health and wellbeing.
You can't be a support for your officer if you aren't at your best. Here are some ways you can care for your own wellness.
Find Your Tribe
Identity
Self Care
Regardless of who you are to an officer, you serve an important role that many do not understand. It's hard to keep explaining to family members, friends or coworkers who aren't involved in policing why you spouse isn't home for holiday meals, or why your parent did not attend any of your basketball games. These experiences are difficult alone, but lack of understanding can add to feeling even more lonely. Finding fellow loved ones of police officers can help create your own sense of community and support, just like your officer has with their shift.
Whether you are the spouse, child, sibling or friend of an officer, th,is can be an emotionally heavy role to have. But who are you outside of your officer? Figure out who you are beyond a police officer's wife or the son of a cop-this can help reduce the pressure attached to your role.
Taking care of yourself is more important than ever for those helping shoulder the emotional weight that comes with being a police officer. Find what your self-care routine is to keep you feeling like the best version of yourself. This can be physical activity, spending time with loved ones, time to decompress by reading or watching a show, or something more formal like therapy. Click to take a self-care assessment to see if you are prioritizing you!
Ways to Support Your Officer
Police officers face unique challenges and need support that fits the job. Here are some examples from loved ones who know what that support looks like in real life.
Time to Decompress
After coming home from work, many officers usually need time to adjust back to home life. This may look like going to sleep, taking time and space for themselves, or distraction through social media. It may be difficult to shift immediately from work back to home life without a buffer in between. It can be hard since we want them to jump back into our world, but establishing a decompressing routine can help both you and your officer have realistic expectations about what they're capable of after work as a way to help eliminate conflict .
Know Your Officer
Police officers see traumatic events more than the average person. Even though they may become desensitized to them over time, certain calls may still have a negative impact either that day or after repeated exposure. Knowing what your officer needs in these moments can help lessen this impact. Examples include knowing their communication styles, decompression techniques, and self-care routines. Also, sometimes something as simple as acknowledging that they see and deal with difficulties that non-officers do not see can help validate the effects of the job.
Communication Styles
Depending on your officer, they may or may not want to share about what they deal with at work. If they're open to talking, listen and validate what they see, which can encourage them to open up. If they do share, keep in mind that what they share may be upsetting or triggering, so offer support within your own limits. If they're not open to talking, supporting this choice also acknowledges that their need not to discuss these events is just as okay. Let them know this officer is still available (as long as you are willing and able), even if they are not open in that moment.
